meladoodle: *throws coins at strippers really hard*
a detailed list of people who have a crush on me:
Cosmo sex tip #285
Wanna make her wet? Drown her.
roughrimjob: iT’S REALLY STRESSFUL HATING SOMEONE ALL YOUR FRIENDS LOVE
fatwink: you ever reblog something and you just know one of your followers is gonna reblog it and add a dumb comment?
whorville: I’d much rather be a grill than a girl
egg-rolls: i just remembered something i did when i was 13 now my day is ruined
cheese3d: nothings worse than soft grapes
sorryforpartybarackin: *watches infomercial for 17 minutes before realizing its not a regular commercial*
jewelstaites: how to give a good handjob bop it pull it twist it
fasterfood: people are always like “why do u look so emotionless when u walk through the hallways” at school but i dont understand what they expect me to do when i walk to class like am i supposed to smile and skip around tossing flowers to everyone i walk by??
glamour-parade: How do you politely tell someone that you want them naked on top of you
aduhm: closing a 3-ring binder clasp on your finger